Pretty Pointless.

We went out last night, for some pretty run of the mill Thursday night stuff, like dropping 10 dollars on 50 cent beers and riding home in the trunk of a car. This isn't a story about boozing, though. This is a story about friendship.

I was talking to this girl who I have had a couple classes with and would say I am loosely associated with. Define "loosely associated" here as only chatting with each other in social contexts where alcohol has played a role. However, when ever we encounter each other during the weekday, a greeting does not pass. What gives? we wondered. It just doesn't add up. Why can't we be friends when we're not hammered? There are a couple reasons, I guess. The prescient worry that blacking out has erased the memory of your tavern encounter or the trepidation that you will appear as a friendless spazz who translates talking in a bar to real friendship. Either way, once you leave the bar, you're pretty much strangers again.

I recognize that this course of events plays out all the time. In fact, it happens so much that my friends can be labeled as one of two things: my bar friends and my real world friends. A lot of people have this categorization in their minds, and I feel like it's a system that works. But, occasionally, you might want to bring one of your bar pals into your real life sphere. This can be a tricky transformation, but it can be done. First, you have to get hammered. This helps the process by getting everyone loosened and in their natural element. So, once you get nice and plastered you have to broach the subject. Say something like, "Hey, man, let's be friends in the real world." Then, shake hands. It is imperative that you shake hands. Boom. You're friends in the real world. It seems easy, but you've got to be careful. I don't know why, but I always like to include a little caution in my articles.


  1. Each and every one of your posts is gold. Might i make a suggestion? Compile them all, and eventually write a book. I promise i'll purchase at least three copies. You'll be bigger than Tucker Max, and slightly less offensive. Think about it.

  2. anonymous...who are you?

  3. ...you're also a fool!