The Twilight Zone

I didn't want to write this post out of fear of this turning into some kind of Twilight blog but I really don't have any hobbies/girlfriend/friends/bar doesn't open 'til 4, so I decided I would weigh in on the issue anyways.
Why are Justin Vernon and Thom Yorke writing music for Twilight? I have developed a few sound theories.

1) It's a joke. Maybe to these guys writing songs for Twilight is like a big, ironic joke. I compare to my wolf sweatshirt or APK's snow leopard tee. Do we really think they look cool and that people think we are badass and awesome for wearing them? Of course not. Do we think they are funny and hope other people think we are funny for wearing them? Well, yeah, they're fucking wolf shirts, man. Maybe Twilight is one big wolf shirt. Maybe Thom Yorke and Justin Vernon got together and said "You know what would be funny, if we wrote music for a movie that every junior high girl in America will see" and they are having a good laugh. Maybe the more alt you are, the more ironic a thing you have to do to get that feeling of smug self-satisfaction.

2) It's a science experiment. Alt people love Thom Yorke and things Thom Yorke loves and does. Some of them even watched the Grammys this year because he was there! The fucking Grammys! So, in the interest of science, some scientists (I'm looking at you Pistol P) did a science experiment where they took something alt people hate (mainstream fiction loved by junior high girls) and threw their supreme diety into the mix. This turn of events leaves people like those in the picture above confuses. "Wait," they say, "we don't like Twilight because its too mainstream and only idiots read it and we're cool and not idiots." "But," they continue, "Thom Yorke likes it, so it must be really good, maybe we should be into it." At this point, they either go buy the book or their heads explode. This is all a part of conspiracy to kill off weirdos or allow the vampires to take over I haven't decided yet. Also, I am anxious to see how the elitist indie blogosphere treats this one. "Well, it's the Twilight soundtrack, so no. But it's Thom Yorke and Bon Iver, so we kind of have to." It's like digging through dog crap to find the ring it swallowed, and Pitchfork's hands will never smell right again.

3) They are really big fans of the book. No, probably not. I take this one back.

4) They're in it for the money. Consider this: Radiohead let you pay what you wanted (i.e. FREE) for In Rainbows. Justin Vernon couldn't even afford to record For Emma in a real-life recording studio and had to do it in a crappy cabin in the woods. These two are obviously hard up for some coin, so when the Twilight folks came-a-courtin' they were more than willing to offer to write a few tunes. Unless, of course, they are taking the route I would take and demanding roles in the films as payment. If that's the case, the director shouldn't worry, what with Thom Yorke's pale skin and sunken eyes and Justin Vernon's wild beard and love of living in the forest they would make the perfect vampire and werewolf, respectively.

Probably gonna buy this soundtrack. Probably going to put it in my iTunes as "Rare Radiohead Demos" or "Bon Iver B-Sides" so people don't think less of me.

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