- "I'll have some rainbow sherbert...with vodka in it!"
- "The Rockies make me want to beat my wife" (via text message)
- "Whose puke is this?"
- "I got tricked into getting married."
- "I wish there were some high school girls here"
- "This song is totally about killing children. Listen"
- "I could easily be fooled into believing you're running a gay bar, Justin."
Things I've Heard In the Bar in the Last Week or So