Before we begin, I’d like to point out that it is a matter of well known fact that I am no fan of Husker football, the University of Nebraska, the majority of it’s students, and the city of Lincoln itself. It also goes without saying that I am a diehard, blindly faithful, "2-10 isn’t that bad of a season," Thunder Hawkins worshipping Buffs fan. If you want objectivity, you should probably look elsewhere.
Ok, so all things seem to point towards Nebraska going to the Big Ten. Good for them. They saw a chance to pick up a little more green, step up a rung or two in the world and they jumped on it. What really chaps me about this whole process is the way the Nebraska media (read: Tom Shatel and Lee Barfknecht) handled this whole situation. The last time I saw this much spin, I was playing Ring-Around-the-Rosie on a merry-go-round. It was mind-boggling how the same issue could be painted with two brushes, especially in the department of remarks employed to villainizing Texas. I’m not going to break out the (somewhat stale) "Nebraska is running scared if Texas" jab because the same could be said of the newly-departed, Pac-10 bound Buffs (Christ, you could say the Buffs were running from Kansas State or Oklahoma State). But I will not shy away from the following contentious points, all of which just downright pissed me off:
1) Texas has a "Texas-first" attitude
I’ve heard a lot about the "Texas-first" stance that is being presumed by Texas AD DeLoss Dodds, and how his program only thinks itself and acts exclusively in its own interest. Well, that doesn't seem very nice of them, and many in the Nebraska media (read: Tom Shatel and Lee Barfknecht) were quick to accuse Texas of not being a team player and condemn them for their arrogance. Then, with the same pen, they write that Nebraska must do what's right for Nebraska, that Nebraska must pursue the course most beneficial to them. Seems to me that such a mindset could be called "Nebraska-first."
2) The championship game argument
I hear a whole lot of pissing and moaning about the Big 12 championship game being played in Cowboys Stadium in Dallas. It moved there this year and was renewed for the next couple years a few weeks ago. moving the game from Arrowhead in Kansas City. Holy smokes, how Husker Nation bitched. They're shifting the league south, they said, they're putting the game in Texas' backyard! Was the league shifted north when the game was in KC? Don't you think fans from the South Division got tired of coming north, just the same as you're bed-wetting about going south? As for the "Texas' backyard" contingent, buy an atlas, dummies. Austin is 195 miles from Dallas, whereas Lincoln is a paltry 163 miles from Kansas City. If we're gonna talk backyards, the Big 12 really moved the game out of Nebraska's backyard to, say, down the street from Texas. If none of this has taken hold, chew on this, dummies: a brand-new, state-of-the-art, billion dollar stadium is offering to let you play on their field. Who turns that down?
3) The Big 8
The Nebraska media (read: Tom Shatel and Lee Barknecht) have been making a big fuss about how they never really trusted the Big 12 and wish they could go back to the simpler times of the Big 8. What they really mean is they wish Tommie Frazier was 19-years old again and that the spread offense had never been invented. The Big 8 was more like a family, but the corrupting influence of the now-defunct Southwest Conference has made it a dysfunctional corporation. If only we could go back to the good old days, before the Texas schools ruined everything. I have a hard time swallowing this sentimentality. When Nebraska follows Colorado out the door and jumps to the Big 10--which will more than likely cause the Big 12 to collapse--what schools are going to be left standing there with their pants around their ankles and their dicks in their hands? Baylor, Kansas, Kansas State, and Iowa State, maybe Missouri. Besides Baylor, all former Big 8 schools. The Big 8 is a family? I knew a family like this once. The dad hit a mid-life crisis, bought a convertible, fucked the hot neighbor lady and split town. Deadbeat Nebraska.
4) "When the Big 10 calls, you answer."
That phrase kind of became the buzzline for the Nebraska-Big 10 affair. Shatel and Barfknecht--they know I'm talking about them here--repeated it so many times that they could have copyrighted it and made a nickel everytime some other doofus said it. This logic--that if something better than what you're with offers to take you up, you should leap at the chance--strikes very close to home for me. When I was in the 10th grade, I asked a nice-looking gal if she wanted to go to the Homecoming dance with me. She said yes, and I was stoked. However, the Thursday before the dance she told me that a senior had asked her, so she was going with him instead. I was a dejected downtrodden shade of a pre-mustache me. I hope the Big Ten and Nebraska have fun at the dance while Kansas and Iowa State get shitfaced off a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 under the railroad bridge (which is, coincidentally, what me and my best friend did at Homecoming '04.)
Just in case you can't read/see the poster and infer the following, this movie was about a a bunch of guys up in the mountains and one guy starts eating all the other guys. In the literary community they call this cannibalism. Also, if you can't read/see you might be in the wrong place, which probably happens a lot if you can't read or see. Ok, carrying on.
Some guy.
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