A Bold Assertion Was Made.

At Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, after the turkey and before the pie, my brother made a bold assertion. With his usual bravado and unruffled confidence, he claimed, with great audacity, that he was, in fact, the inventor of the Chicken Dance.

Instantly, he was met by the naysayers calling, "Bullshit!" He remained stodgy with his statement, resolute in his proclamation that he was, without doubt, the inventor of the wedding reception favorite enjoyed by small children and elderly women alike. Facing a crowd of disbelievers and heretics, he told us how it all began.

It all started at a wedding reception in 1994...


My brother, aged 11, was not having a good time. And who can blame him? When you're 11, everything cool about weddings is pretty much out of your provinces. Open bars? Can't drink. Dance floor full of babes? Can't dance, haven't hit puberty. Cake? Well, yeah, cake is pretty cool, but you can only eat so much. So this is how my brother found himself, a listless denizen of these languid and insipid surroundings. So what'd he do? He did what any self-respecting, red-blooded member of a stale fete would do. He started boozing a little bit. Now, I know that he was only 11, and he took special care during the telling of his tale to ensure us that the bartenders did not serve such a severe minor. No. He did what we all do when we can't get booze for ourselves: take it from someone else. For my brother, this involved sneaking drinks out of several warm Coors Lights that happened to be sitting around.


What happened next is, allegedly, history. With a few tepid Coors Lights in his system, my brother proceeded to do what anyone riding a saccharine buzz of Rocky Mountain water-goodness would do: he began to flail about and make a fool of himself.

It actually probably looked a lot like this kid.


You know, I'm rather proud that my brother is one in the same in the tradition of odd, writhing, kind-of Asian looking kids creating worldwide phenomena and sensations. However, on second thought, my brother has also spent a lot of time claiming that he invented...

...Malibu and orange juice.


...fruit on the bottom yogurt...


...while also stating that he is the inspiration for several O-Town songs.


My brother is a weird guy.
A cool guy, but a weird guy.